Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
