i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
