This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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