You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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