May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
