Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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