He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
