I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
