You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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