listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
