Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
