I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
