Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
