i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
