I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
