how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
