i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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