a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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