Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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