So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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