He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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