I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
