You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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