She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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