I wanna passion pit in your ass
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
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Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain