Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.