Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it