What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog