"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis