omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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