nut hugger
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You smell like stripper and shame
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
