I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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