Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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