I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
