hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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