I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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