I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
