I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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