If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
