Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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