evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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