Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
