You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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