Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
