I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
