I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
