Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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