would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
