you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
