So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
