He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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