Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
