I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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