Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My bed smells like the plague
I party with great urgency now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
