guys are only as good as the porn they watch
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
