i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
