dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You work out of a Hotel?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
