Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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