Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
