There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
