Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
