Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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