Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
