May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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